According to Wikipedia, to compromise means to

… make a deal between different parties where each party gives up part of their demand. In arguments, compromise is a concept of finding agreement through communication, through a mutual acceptance of terms—often involving variations from an original goal or desire.

In other words, you give up what you really want because people surrounding you want you to. Or, you give up what you really want because you believe people surrounding you want you to.

We are usually taught that compromises are an inescapable part of our relationships. I do not agree 🙂

We need compromises when we feel insecure about ourselves and our loved ones. We compromise we should not be affectionate with other people. Why is that? Because we are afraid we will loose our partner to someone else. We compromise we have to visit people we don’t like, we will not move to another city or country, we will not leave our job to follow our passion. Why? Because of fear. Fear for the unknown, fear for other peoples reactions. We settle for a compromised situation where nobody is really happy.

When you are able to take 100% responsibility for your life, you will realise that fear and insecurities are not anyones elses ‘fault’. There is only one thing you can do about it, and that is to work on yourself.

When you feel totally alligned with your true self, when you feel good and happy, you don’t need any compromises. You dare to make the choices you really want to make.

Is that an egoistic thing to do?

Not at all. Because when you make the choices that make you feel good, you will be a happier person. When you are a happier person, your partner, kids and close friends will feel happier too. And when those people are happy, even more people will feel good. So by making hte choices that make you happy, you will make the world a better place 🙂

Me and my horses

I grew up surrounded by horses. They were my friends and my teachers. My parents always supported me. My mother used to have horses too, but she sold her last horse when she was pregnant.

Years later I was living together with my partner, I have a job and I was pregnant. My mother called me and asked me whether I would sell my horses now. I started crying and almost shouted that I would not sell them. I wan’t willing to make that compromise. My partner supported me. We found a place for the horses to stay and I didn’t have to sell them. I was so happy I didn’t make the compromise, because even though I wasn’t able to do anything but sit in the pasture and watch them, they gave me a reason to go outside, relax and not worry about the many things I could worry about at that time. They made me a happier person.

When I was expecting our second child, my mother called again with the same question. Apparently it is a common compromise to make to sell your horse when you are pregnant. It is assumed there’s no time for a horse when you have a family.

No compromise: me and my horse. With baby in the backpack. I just bring my kids when visiting my horses.

Again I refused. I found another solution. I found places where my horses could stay outside all year around, someone would feed them daily, so it didn’t matter if I couldn’t see them each day. They would get their food and have space enough to stretch their legs.

Now I have three kids, I’m self employed and have a household to run. And I still have my horses. I visit them almost daily, and ride with my big horse a couple of times each week. They make me a happier person, and because of that, everybody in my family is happy. 🙂