Can you lead and surrender? A message for the boys and men out there.

Can you lead and surrender? A message for the boys and men out there.

The lead I am standing on a dance floor, blindfolded. The men walk through this darkened forest of sight-deprived women. We cannot see the men, but we hear their footsteps and the rustling of their clothes. “Now stop in front of a woman of your choosing. Let her know you are there. Take her hand and seduce her into a dance. Lead her beyond the edges of her comfort zone and let her fly.” There’s a man in front of me, I can feel his presence. A shy hand takes my right hand, followed seconds later by the other hand grabbing my left. The contact feels flaccid. When the music starts I feel insecure and far from grounded. Will this…

Continue reading

On Loving and Feeling Loved

On loving and feeling loved

My love isn’t something to take from you. It’s nothing I want from you. I don’t need your love to confirm my existence. I’d rather say: “I feel love between us”, for I can only feel love resonating when we both unveil it. When we allow ourselves to not keep our love away from each other, but to ler it flow. Where my love meets your love the love multiplies into a glowing ball of energy enlightening you and I and all that surrounds us. More than “I feel love between us”, I prefer not to speak, and just observe the vibrating love with all my senses. Words are only needed when I’m not sure. Love isn’t something to be…

Continue reading

The real, vulnerable, naked version of me

Wilrieke naked

I knew I had been fighting with myself for days again. There is a certain fear stuck inside me and I do not succeed accepting it. I try to hide it. Resist it. Fight it. Not only over the past few days these emotions came haunting me, but for many days over the last months and years I felt it. What do I feel? When I let someone come close to me -the real, vulnerable, naked me- it frightens me. I become afraid they will hurt me. A part of me sends out warning signals. Be careful! Protect yourself! Take distance! Guard yourself! There are three components at this moment that bring these feelings to the surface, stronger than ever…

Continue reading

How Open is Open?

Guest Post from Louisa Leontiades A door can be ajar. Just a tiny crack to let the light through. In polyamory you might call this a don’t-ask-don’t-tell policy. Or it can be open enough to let a person in (but you know, it’s a door…so it can probably be closed if it isn’t the ‘right’ person or if there are too many people). Or indeed…it can be open all the way. When people ask me how open our relationship is, what they mean is – how far have I opened the door? Is it ajar? Do you discuss when and who to invite into your relationship? Or are you free to date whomever you want, whenever you want and for…

Continue reading

The influence of polyamory on your sexuality

Polyamory and sex

It seems that polyamory often goes with the prejudice that the reason for being polyamorous is the freedom to be sexually active in a liberal way. You’re polyamorous? You must be into sex big time. The connection between polyamory and sex I’m living in a polyamorous way for a while now. Was the reason for me to open up the relationship I had primarily based on my sexual desires? I have to disappoint you here. It wasn’t. Didn’t it even play a small role? It did. My partner at the time and I were a bit disappointed that now we’ve found each other, we were expected to never kiss, cuddle or make love with another person for the rest of…

Continue reading

Relationship Labeling Anarchy

Relationship Labeling Anarchy

There are many forms of relationships. Man and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend, employer and employee, friends, acquaintances, friends-with-benefits and all those connections you couldn’t even find a name for (I tried for fun with someone and came up with chocolatepartybrowchakradancinghuggingpolyfriend). There are people who marry because they can identify themselves as ‘someone’s wife’ or ‘someone’s husband’. Apparently, the label provides security. The wedding ring acts as a clearly visible sign of the unavailability of this person for any other potential partners. What would happen if you let go of labels? Especially when having multiple relationships it can be so much easier to just let go of all the labeling-trouble and let the connection be what it is. Mind vs. consciousness…

Continue reading

Review: J.J. Roberts – Sex 3.0 A Sexual Revolution Manual

There’s a change going on in the world. People are more and more conscious about themselves, their lives and the choices they make. Our sexual relationships have evolved from the past to the present, and they will keep changing in the future. This is what J.J. Roberts writes about in his book Sex 3.0 – A Sexual Relationship Manual.. Sex 3.0 implies that there was a Sex 1.0 and a Sex 2.0 in the past. Sex 1.0 is how we related when we were living as hunter gatherers in ancient times. There was no concept of property, and according to J.J. there was no concept of a relationship in the way we know it. People didn’t form couples, but followed…

Continue reading

Review: Louisa Leontiades – The Husband Swap

In ‘The Husband Swap’, Louisa Leontiades openly and honestly shares her story. She and her husband Gilles form a quad with another couple, Morten and Elena. Louisa and Gilles started out as a monogamous couple. “I was once like you” she tells us at the beginning of the book. But when she cheats on Gilles with an ex-boyfriend, it all changes. Louisa explains to Gilles that she loves him and wants to stay with him. She also realizes that Gilles would never be able to fulfill everything she wants from a partner. They discover that it’s possible to love more than one person, and decide to try to live polyamourously. Through internet they get into contact with a couple. Even…

Continue reading

Review: Mystic Life – Spiritual Polyamory

Spiritual Polyamory by Mystic Life is a self-called “powerful, groundbreaking work, certain to challenge and stimulate members of both the “poly-curious” and polyamorous communities. Mystic Life takes you on a journey into honesty, awareness and self-exploration. You will be encouraged to explore your true beliefs about love, jealousy, sex and letting go of control.” Love of all The book starts with clearing up the differences between ‘ego’ and your true self. We are already whole. The ego is a “collection of beliefs arising from fear and the illusion of separation”. What Mystic Life means, is that we judge others’ behavior (which stems from ego) for it makes us feel better to place our own ego above another person. I believe…

Continue reading

Suffering is a choice

Reasons for procrastination and tools to stop doing it

What I love to do when my head is filled with emotions and thoughts is going for a long walk. Surrounded by nature, my body relaxes and my mind calms down. To me, rhythmically putting one foot in front of the other, breathing fresh air and listening to the birds is like a meditation in motion. Today I walked in the dunes for hours. For days my mind felt stuck with fear and emotions. I had been taking care of ill family members for over a week, visiting hospitals, trying to arrange everything, while facing some major fear issues that overwhelmed me in the process. No map, just a feeling of where I wanted to go, I strolled through the…

Continue reading