When Anxious meets Secure – Attachment Dynamics

We all have attachment patterns. Some of us are securely attached, and have no challenges letting intimacy come close. Others are insecurely attached, and love can be the thing we most crave and fear at the same time. We have our preferred strategies, that are either anxious or avoidant. In my experience (rather than some theories say), these strategies aren’t fixed, but dependent on who we meet, when, where, etc. This is what I, primarily anxiously attached person, encounter when meeting someone who feels secure. P.s. check my previous videos or blog for more about attachment patterns

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Do I really want what I think I want?

Lately, I’m enjoying entertaining myself contemplating if I really want what I think I want. I think I know about all the things that I want, and I enjoy time meditating as if what I want is there. You know, the first step in the Law of Attraction, right before taking conscious action towards these dreams. But do I really want what I think I want? Take the example of attracting a romantic partner. Around me, I have quite a bunch of amazing, single, female friends. We all want a similar thing: a conscious man, adventurous, tantricly experienced, amazing lover, hot body, and maybe some nicely placed tattoos and piercings. A man who is beyond the nice guy pitfalls, who…

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Nothing Happens in Winter. Or?

Nothing happens in winter

Human processes are like the seasons in a temperate climate. There are the bigger waves, aligned with the seasons where the general tendency in summer is to go on adventures, and in winter many of us like to snuggle under a blanket with a book. Then there are the individual waves of our personal climate, where we have our own patterns and rhythms of waves moving inwards and outwards (though an interesting question may be if humans in different climatological seasons may have different flows). Our disposition on the introvert – extravert scale probably adds in, as well as tons of other factors. But most people recognize the four seasons in their journey of personal growth. Spring, where we sow.…

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Embracing Anger

Anger, for me, is an emotion I easily bypass from a place of reason. But tapping into anger can be an amazing tool to release, as well as to feel our boundaries. There is a caveat though. When we, consciously or unconsciously, direct our unprocessed anger at someone, we can break all that we love. So how can we release anger ánd set boundaries without unnecessarily hurting others and fucking up our relationships?

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Intimacy is So Much More than Sex – with Jamie Catto

Me and Jamie Catto talking about what intimacy is, how sex can be more than rubbing things together.  Sex is not just an act. But culture teaches us to approach sex in a ‘yang’ manner: directed actions with a clear goal in mind. But when we learn to listen to our bodies and the bodies we’re playing with, sex becomes a different experience. The best sex doesn’t depend completely on what you’re doing; but on how you’re doing it. Also: Jamie & I talking means loads of hilarity and not taking things too seriously.

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Dealing with Overwhelm

This morning I woke up feeling completely overwhelmed. Not because of bad things – because there is a lot of high-intensity awesomeness going on in my life. Plus a vast to-do list. We need self-care. Even though people might still run the paradigm that self-care is selfish. But in my opinion, it’s the least selfish thing we can do. because when we feel good, we have so much more to give.

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The Power of Bondage

It’s no secret that I’m a fan of kink. The play with polarities, leading and surrendering can be an amazing path of personal growth. Ropes are a tool that we can use to emphasize the leading or surrendering pole. Being tied, there’s literally nowhere to go as your ability to move is restricted. Ropes are so much more than ropes: it’s a complete experience.

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The Fine Line between Things to Face & Boundaries

One of the most common pitfalls in the field of personal growth that I see is the belief that we have to face everything that triggers a response in us. After doing my research, I concluded this is absolute nonsense. Not everything we face is a challenge to overcome. Some things are a boundary, and we can say a loud and clear ‘no’ to the experience. Sometimes it can be a fine line whether something is a challenge or fear worth facing, or when it’s a boundary. I’m using my rollercoaster-analogy to explain how I feel the difference between what I do and don’t want to face.

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Sexual Nourishment – with Reid Mihalko

Join Reid Mihalko and me as we talk about s.xual nourishment, where we share some of our personal backgrounds around nourishment, as well as an overview of different ways of finding s.xual nourishment (hint: it’s not just about touching yourself) right at the end. We’re also mentioning our events in December. The first one is Date Your Species – with Reid Mihalko & Wilrieke Sophia.  

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What Does it Mean to Hold Someone?

To hold space. To be there for someone. What is that, what does it mean? To me, it means being fully present with someone, without wanting to change anything. It’s dropping my agenda about what they need to feel, understand, go through, drop, invite or change. It’s offering my heart, wide open, and ask for nothing on return. It’s letting go of my own desires while keeping my boundaries in check. It’s allowing the process to unfold without wanting it to move in any certain direction. It’s being able to drop taking any of the process personal. To drop the idea that I’m decreasing or increasing the depth of the process. It’s not about me. It’s being patient, taking the…

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