(Video) The Patterns in Insecure Relating

Patterns in relating

The players may change, but the play stays the same. Have you ever noticed that? Even though you may be working on yourself, some patterns in your relationship game seen to stay. I’m mainly anxiously attached, with a wired-in fear of abandonment. During a week long retreat I was in, I got my patterns played out loud and clear. In my face. Please follow and like us:

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(Video) Coming Back to safety

Coming back to safety

A few days ago I made a video in which I shared how my nervous system was shaken up by meeting someone.The sense of safety and welcoming blew me straight into an anxious response. Now, a few days later, I feel completely calm and relaxed again. Let me share you about this process too. P.s. this is the link to the previous video Please follow and like us:

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Self-Care and Structure

Self-care and structure

I used to be so bad at self-care. Or at creating structure. I’m a person with a lot of energy. That means I can create a lot (while being a mum and whatnot) – it also means that I can procrastinate and be in my own way like a boss. Being in my own way is arguably the most destructive thing in my world. I will escape into behavior that I think is supporting me (like mindless browsing on social media, eating sugary things) but drains me more than anything else. To channel the intensity of feelings and energy that I have into creation, I need some structure. They may come in the form of deadlines or appointments or the…

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(Video) The Response of my Fearful Nervous System to Safety

Fearful nervous system

The desire for feeling safe with other people is a very legitimate desire, and an antidote to the sometimes obsessive quest for facing fears, and challenging ourselves way beyond our comfort zone. But what happens when a nervous system that is wired in a sensitive way, and used to creating unsafe situations, is faced with safety? A very personal case study. Please follow and like us:

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Love is a Weird, Projection-Based Thing

Projections and love

It is often said about falling in love: the butterflies are a hormone induced crazy fling where we project all kinds of things onto another human being. Things that we either recognize in ourselves and desire more of, or things that seem the opposite of things in ourselves we desire to get rid off. And it makes sense. Tonight, we celebrated Sinterklaas, a Dutch national festivity where children get gifts from an imaginary Saint (which is the foundation of the story around Santa Claus). Me, my three daughters and their father. Someone I used to be in a relationship with for nine years. Once, we thought the other person was the most amazing person in the world. Finally someone who…

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Body Hair and Curves: What a Real Woman Looks Like

Body hair

There are so many social conditioning around sexuality, our bodies, our looks, how we present ourselves both to others as well as to ourselves. While shedding layers of all this, it’s so interesting how we can re-discover ourselves every day again. Take the body hair thing. When you think about it: how weird is it that hair on a man’s body is often considered sexy (look at the whole beard hype happening at the moment), while the hair on a woman’s body is often considered groce. I mean, WTF? And then the whole body size thing. Women should have flat bellies and perky boobies and all that. Because that’s what a woman is supposed to look like. Well, I don’t…

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(Video) Intimacy is More Than Sex – Interview with Robert Kandell

Robert Kandell

Intimacy is more than Sex with Wilrieke Sophia. We discuss how we often focus on the physical aspect of intimacy and don’t give the same credence to the other aspects. ——— In celebration of his upcoming book, Author Rob Kandell is having 15-minute FB LIVEs to have REAL, AUTHENTIC, unHIDDEN conversations with incredible people. Topics relationship, communication, intimacy, sexuality, body image and more. Please follow and like us:

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Being a Sexual Person #2

Standing in the middle of an over-crowded train on my way home, another workshop facilitated in Amsterdam behind me. The people in the train discuss fried snacks with huge pupils. So much passion about burgers. Some are wearing sunglasses, even though it’s near midnight. A huge dance event in the city is probably the source of this outflux of people. I’m looking at my own reflection in the dark window. For so many years I thought I was weird and ugly. Sometimes I still do. That underlying belief of being weird. Different. Unwanted. The clumsy one who never wears the right clothes. Will it ever leave? I see a beautiful face, a proud woman wearing an amazing coat. Glitter on…

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(Video) Conscious Relationship Design: Conscious Completion

Exactly a year ago we met. It has been a deep and intense ride since, with so much love to share. Now we decide to let go. Of any labels, agreements or expectations. We have brought our deepest patterns to the surface, and now we both need a different stroke to dive deeper into those. And we’re letting each other go. Please follow and like us:

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