(Video) The Patterns in Insecure Relating

Patterns in relating

The players may change, but the play stays the same. Have you ever noticed that? Even though you may be working on yourself, some patterns in your relationship game seen to stay. I’m mainly anxiously attached, with a wired-in fear of abandonment. During a week long retreat I was in, I got my patterns played out loud and clear. In my face. Please follow and like us:

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(Video) The Fine Line Between States

When are we avoiding, and when are we learning to show boundaries? When are we controlling, and where are we being clear with our desires? When are we facing our fears, and when are we pushing ourselves too much? When are we learning, and when are we surviving? It’s such a fine line between both, and frankly: often both options are true (and false) in the same moment. So how do we know where we are?   Please follow and like us:

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(Poem #20) The Books You Devoured

Leaving it all behind worries, sorrows, and doubts Letting your soul fly beyond the vast skies Allowing the unfolding of mysteries and stories That you never read in the books you devoured The movies you saw Or what they told you life would be like Holding the pencil and the eraser You are the biggest artist of them all. Please follow and like us:

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Bufo – Dying to Grow

“I know you have worked with medicine before, but have you ever done Bufo, the toad?” This question came by often, with the addition that even when you have worked with Ayahuasca and Kambo, Bufo is something else. The stories sounded so intense, that I never even really considered this one. Why would someone want to feel like they’re dying – for real? But then there was this message from someone I never met before: “Hey, we love what you bring to this world, and the medicines tell us to invite you. Would you come to our Bufo alvarius ceremony next week?” And of course, it was that one free day between the madness of Christmas and Newyear, in a…

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(Video) Do I still believe in Non-Monogamy?

After more than 7 years in all kinds of relationship constellations, devoting big chunks of my time to relationship dynamics, attachment patterns, and coaching numerous people: how do I feel about non-monogamy? Please follow and like us:

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(Video) Conscious Relationship Design: Being Single

About why it happens to many of us that as soon as we step into a relationship we feel way less autonomous, powerful and amazing as when we’re single. About the use (or not) of labels and the implications for our nervous system. Please follow and like us:

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‘Mum, there’s hair under your arm!’

My youngest daughter, aged 7, hugged me yesterday and yelled in an amused, surprised way: “Mom, there’s hair under your arm!” And I told her about female bodies, how they grow, develop, change. That it’s absolutely normal that hair grows at certain places. That we can choose to remove it, and choose to let it be. That right now, I love it to be there. And I tell my girls that it’s normal that their bodies get curves. That the straight line from their shoulders to their hips will look more like a violin than a plank. That their booties grow fuller. And that it’s all absolutely normal and beautiful. I tell them many times every day how beautiful I…

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Body Hair and Curves: What a Real Woman Looks Like

Body hair

There are so many social conditioning around sexuality, our bodies, our looks, how we present ourselves both to others as well as to ourselves. While shedding layers of all this, it’s so interesting how we can re-discover ourselves every day again. Take the body hair thing. When you think about it: how weird is it that hair on a man’s body is often considered sexy (look at the whole beard hype happening at the moment), while the hair on a woman’s body is often considered groce. I mean, WTF? And then the whole body size thing. Women should have flat bellies and perky boobies and all that. Because that’s what a woman is supposed to look like. Well, I don’t…

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Being a Sexual Person #2

Standing in the middle of an over-crowded train on my way home, another workshop facilitated in Amsterdam behind me. The people in the train discuss fried snacks with huge pupils. So much passion about burgers. Some are wearing sunglasses, even though it’s near midnight. A huge dance event in the city is probably the source of this outflux of people. I’m looking at my own reflection in the dark window. For so many years I thought I was weird and ugly. Sometimes I still do. That underlying belief of being weird. Different. Unwanted. The clumsy one who never wears the right clothes. Will it ever leave? I see a beautiful face, a proud woman wearing an amazing coat. Glitter on…

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