Bufo – Dying to Grow

“I know you have worked with medicine before, but have you ever done Bufo, the toad?” This question came by often, with the addition that even when you have worked with Ayahuasca and Kambo, Bufo is something else. The stories sounded so intense, that I never even really considered this one. Why would someone want to feel like they’re dying – for real? But then there was this message from someone I never met before: “Hey, we love what you bring to this world, and the medicines tell us to invite you. Would you come to our Bufo alvarius ceremony next week?” And of course, it was that one free day between the madness of Christmas and Newyear, in a…

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(Video) Do I still believe in Non-Monogamy?

After more than 7 years in all kinds of relationship constellations, devoting big chunks of my time to relationship dynamics, attachment patterns, and coaching numerous people: how do I feel about non-monogamy? Please follow and like us:

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(Video) Conscious Relationship Design: Being Single

About why it happens to many of us that as soon as we step into a relationship we feel way less autonomous, powerful and amazing as when we’re single. About the use (or not) of labels and the implications for our nervous system. Please follow and like us:

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‘Mum, there’s hair under your arm!’

My youngest daughter, aged 7, hugged me yesterday and yelled in an amused, surprised way: “Mom, there’s hair under your arm!” And I told her about female bodies, how they grow, develop, change. That it’s absolutely normal that hair grows at certain places. That we can choose to remove it, and choose to let it be. That right now, I love it to be there. And I tell my girls that it’s normal that their bodies get curves. That the straight line from their shoulders to their hips will look more like a violin than a plank. That their booties grow fuller. And that it’s all absolutely normal and beautiful. I tell them many times every day how beautiful I…

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Body Hair and Curves: What a Real Woman Looks Like

Body hair

There are so many social conditioning around sexuality, our bodies, our looks, how we present ourselves both to others as well as to ourselves. While shedding layers of all this, it’s so interesting how we can re-discover ourselves every day again. Take the body hair thing. When you think about it: how weird is it that hair on a man’s body is often considered sexy (look at the whole beard hype happening at the moment), while the hair on a woman’s body is often considered groce. I mean, WTF? And then the whole body size thing. Women should have flat bellies and perky boobies and all that. Because that’s what a woman is supposed to look like. Well, I don’t…

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Being a Sexual Person #2

Standing in the middle of an over-crowded train on my way home, another workshop facilitated in Amsterdam behind me. The people in the train discuss fried snacks with huge pupils. So much passion about burgers. Some are wearing sunglasses, even though it’s near midnight. A huge dance event in the city is probably the source of this outflux of people. I’m looking at my own reflection in the dark window. For so many years I thought I was weird and ugly. Sometimes I still do. That underlying belief of being weird. Different. Unwanted. The clumsy one who never wears the right clothes. Will it ever leave? I see a beautiful face, a proud woman wearing an amazing coat. Glitter on…

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When a Saboteur Enters our Relationships

I let him go. I had never been loved this much by anyone in my life, and yet I let him go. I had no choice. My nervous system was having a way harder time than I desired, and the longer we were together, the less relaxed I felt about our relationship. Was it me? Was this then the final conclusion I’m not suited for non-monogamy or any way of relating for that matter? Was I an overly dramatic woman unable to deal with anxiety issues? Was it him? Was he lacking in stepping up? Did he need to grow balls and become a real man, able to love a wild woman? It’s Always Two Playing that Game When it…

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(Video) Conscious Relationship Design: Can Relationships be Fluid?

I want more sex in my relationship – now what?

Although there are several shapes of relationships (marriage, dating, polyamory, polygamy) they still seem to be holding on to a fixed construct. Does that make sense, as we are ever-evolving and growing? And: a personal relationship update. Please follow and like us:

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(Video) Conscious Relationship Design: What To Do When My Partner Is Avoidant / Afraid of Commitment?

today I choose to live

In any human dynamic, certain patterns will come up. And those patterns will influence how you feel and how you act. It’s a thing: people with a fear of abandonment attract people with a fear of commitment. This is the anxious/avoidant dynamic we sometimes speak about. Is it possible to avoid this trap, or heal it when we’re in it? Please follow and like us:

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