The Longing for Big Love

Alphachanneling

It’s okay to long for Big Love, dear. To feel that trembling longing in your belly that lets you know, from deep inside, that this is something real this Big Love is something that exists and it’s there, for you, too. To feel that overwhelming sadness in your chest that heart-shattering contraction of feeling that it’s out of reach just the tiniest bit. To feel that confusion in your head Are you ready? Is this the moment? Is there something wrong in my relationship/s? Then remember: Confusion is part of Big Love as it invites you to look deeper into your wounds, your readiness to fully step up for what it is that you want, to not accept, any manipulation,…

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The Pain of Losing Presence

The Pain of Losing Presence

We live in a dual world. When we learn what it’s like to be received in full presence, we inherently also learn what it’s like when that full presence is gone. When this other, who is so present with you, suddenly is gone. Doesn’t show up. Breaks an agreement. Can’t see you fully. The pain that comes with that is huge. It reminds us of the original wound of separation that goes back to when we were inside a womb – or possibly before that. The pain that reminds us, maybe unconsciously, of the moments when we were fully depending on our caregivers, and they couldn’t be there every moment we needed them. As that’s pretty much impossible. And then,…

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The Deeper We Love, the Deeper Love Will Touch Us

The deeper we love, the deeper love will touch us. It is as incredible as it sounds, though not always easy. As love tears down everything in its way to loving more, all our deepest stories, pain, fear and insecurity is revealed in the wake of unleashing bliss. And not just our own! All that which our ancestors carry, what’s engraved in our collective past and present, It’s all right here, right now. So beware, when you open your heart wider than before, That more love than you can imagine will pour in, And your senses sensitize As there’s no right or wrong, desired or undesired on our inner landscape, just simple aliveness, It all becomes stronger. More. Deeper. Become…

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These Wings Won’t Fit in a Cocoon Anymore

Don't push me back

And then she said: “I could be insecure again. Like a caterpillar who broke its cocoon to unfold its wings, too afraid to take its space and be carried by the sky, that tries to get back in again. I tried that. But these wings won’t fit in that cocoon anymore unless I’d break them. There’s no other option but to let the air, the sun, the earth and the rain touch me and tease me, test my resilience to come back again. To dry, shake off, breathe and fly again. And I don’t need you – or anyone – to tell me to become a caterpillar again, nor to fly faster than when my wings have dried. I don’t…

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On Trust and Trusting

On Trust and Trusting

The deepest layer of trust is not about knowing what will happen, how to get what you want, or even about understanding your desire. There’s no use in trying to get it, as trust isn’t about ‘getting it’. Trust is a feeling. A close connection to your inner world and intuition. A clear communication channel to what’s deep inside and beyond you. Trust is alignment to truth. The purpose of your life’s journey. Trust is breathing and opening up, even when you’re afraid or believe that this time it’s all wrong. Trust is letting go of how you think you should get to where you think you should be going. Because you don’t know. The path is in the unfolding…

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The Orgasm of Inspiration

Inspiration is like a long, gentle orgasm, moving through me as I create._

Can I be lusciously written? Can I consciously allow myself to tap into a divine source of inspiration, of wisdom flowing through me just by opening the faucet? Can I be that vessel, that portal, upon my own request? Or is this spring of information ever present? The internal wisdom of collective memory that we can all tune into? Or maybe we are tuned in, but forgot or switched ourselves of through our busy busy lives? There’s this magic feeling that comes over me every now and then. It tingles my skin, as the touch of a lover can do. The slightest suggestion of a caress, that makes my blood rush. It’s an urge to create. As the water reservoir…

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Do I Feel Too Much?

Do I Feel Too Much?

Maybe you are like me. I always felt a lot, not sure where all these sensations came from I could feel overwhelmed often and easily. Feeling shy was a good mechanism to protect myself from opening too much and feeling even more. And now, many years later, I feel even more. Give me a room full of people and I can tell you exactly where everyone is at. I can tell you where it hurts and why it contracts and why you are afraid. All these processes of shedding layers of protection mechanisms and ego strategies, of getting to know my monthly cycles and emotional waves, of balancing my introvert and extravert, of checking in with sisters and holding myself.…

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What I learned in the year after breaking up my long-term relationship

What I learned in the year after breaking up my long-term relationship

Once we thought we would stay together for life. And in a way, we will, since we have three daughters. But not in a romantic relationship. About twelve months ago we broke up. It felt like facing my deepest fears. It felt like dying. And maybe I did in a way, as the last year transformed me completely. No more happily ever after We were so convinced we were going to make it through life together. Even though I got pregnant only months after we met, we hardly had any money, and I didn’t finish studying. I never had a long-term relationship before. I never was pregnant before. It all felt so new. He was my rock to depend on.…

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How Many of Your Friends Did You See – Naked?

Naked

Naked. Think about it: How many of your dearest friends have seen you naked? Of how many of your closest friends to you know if they have a soft skin? Or moles on their bellies, or freckles of their shoulders? How many of your closest family members have you seen naked? Do you know the shape of their breasts, or where they have hair? Have you ever seen their scars? Do you even know how they really feel about their bodies? Have you ever held them really close? Have you ever been held by them really close? I’m glowing right now. The afterglow of an evening with three friends, where we massaged each other. Six hands on one body. Naked.…

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Kambo – My Journey with the Frog (part 2)

Kambo frog

You can read about my First Journey with the Frog in this article. The longing to travel again with Kambo resided lingering in the back of my mind. But my horse died, my business asked a lot and there was a lot in general to deal with. Until two friends I have known for years and who had been involved in shamanic ceremonies for ages, invited me for a Kambo ceremony at their place. At cycling distance from my little house in the forest. On a sunny Sunday where my agenda was wide open and empty. Spontaneously I decided to join. The thing with entheogens like Kambo or Ayahuasca is that you always get what you need, not necessarily what…

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