Abundant love

I am in an open relationship. I don’t limit myself by sharing my love with only one person. I prefer and choose to live with an open heart. And I’m open about it. In our society it’s not very accepted nor appreciated to have an open relationship. There’s a lot of judgment, intolerance and most of all – fear. We all want to be loved. We do crazy things to be loved. We buy expensive clothes, go to the gym and follow a strict diet to look attractive, accept jobs with status… we do it to show the world we are worth loving. We want abundance. Not only we want love, we also want a lot of it! And why…

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Ambiguous answering. Or: why it’s so difficult to understand women

Lately I realized that there are at least three ways in which I answer or react to the same question. Very often I’m not aware that I’m so ambiguous. It´s like there are multiple versions of me that answer in their own way. It happens often when my partner and I discuss stuff that includes emotions, like new steps into our open relationship. He might ask me if it´s okay with me for him to go out with a girl. I tell him I´m perfectly fine, I don´t like it and that it´s up to him to decide what he wants to do, all in a couple of minutes within the same conversation. Next thing is that he tries to…

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The Challenges in Polyamory (Or: The Road to Ultimate Freedom)

Having an open relationship is amazing. Your heart opens to many different new connections at a deep level of interacting on the level of the heart. To me an open relationship is all about sharing love. Love can manifest itself in the form of a sexy person, but also as new possible business partners, friends, clients, teachers.  Existing connections switch towards a deeper level. I have learned that by opening my heart I can instantly love someone. But is switching your relationship to an open model just fun and ease? Nope. There are challenges in an open relationship, in living polyamorous. When opening your relationship, be prepared for a journey of unpeeling all the layers you formed over time. You…

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Healing myself – part 1 and 2

It feels like I’m going through all my chakras to really clear them up from all deep pain and hurt that is still there. Last week on Wednesday Seb and I had our first fight. It was about a misinterpretation of how much we’d tell each other about our openness in relationships. We had an argument but talked things over during the next days and eventually came out stronger than before. But our fight also opened a well of fear. I cried and cried. I felt so unsafe and sad. It was like a major fear from the past wasd triggered. All of a sudden I felt like the little girl in the situations I always had to deal with in…

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Open relationships: How much do you tell?

No matter if you keep your open relationship clothes-on or clothes-off, it’s very important to discuss how much you want you and your partner to tell each other. Discuss before practicing! It is very important to have the conversation about how much details you want to share with each other before you start connecting with new people. When you involve yourself into stuff without knowing that your partner really likes to know about new steps you are about to make on beforehand, you have no second chances. If you only tell your partner afterwards, or worse, when your partner finds out afterwards, your partner might never trust you again. Is that worth it? All dirty details What if your partner…

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How to take responsibility in difficult situations

I could feel something standing in between my boyfriend and me. I wasn’t sure what exactly caused this tension. But it was there. And it felt pretty nasty. In the past I would have blamed him. I would take offense because of him not putting his shoes where I thought he should put them. Use these minor events to let the tension escalate into a fight. We would both feel bad. Because we didn’t get to the source of the tension, the situation wouldn’t improve. If we’d continue on that path, our relationship would become fragile. That much I learned. So I didn’t blame him. Instead, I took 100% responsibility and held myself, and only myself, responsible for the situation.…

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In love, 1+1 is much more than 2

Mathematically 1+1 equals 2. If you have a certain amount of something and you wish to divide that amount with a number of people, everybody gets a part. When more people join the party, the portion of the pie each person receives reduces. Young parents love their newborn kids more than they could ever imagine. When a second baby is about to arrive, it is a common fear that they could never love the second child as much as this first child. After the second child is born they realise that their worry was needless. They love their second, third and all following children just as much as they love the first one. Love ≠mathematics Love is not like mathematics at…

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Polyamory: won’t he find a better match?

Open relationships often get the stigma that the partners involved are sexually very liberal, sharing their juices with many people. Often there is a negative energy surrounding the topic. That changes once people get to know what an open relationship really is about. Many couples I know realized that after I told them what an open relationship comes down to, they have a relationship themselves that can be labeled open is some way. To me, an open relationship is a relationship in which you support your partner to completely and totally live the life they wish for themselves. To discover who they are, to connect with people without limitations, fears or feelings of guilt. To enjoy life to the fullest…

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Looking for confirmation

Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. (Charles Swindoll) One day you’re at the top of the world. Everything is great. You meet great people. Maybe even some real special ones. Maybe you gave someone your number or email address. Than you go home, and all of a sudden you’re not so sure about anything anymore. You feel insecure. Next morning you switch on your computer and start to look for confirmations. Maybe there’s an email, a tweet, a message on Facebook to sooth your heavy feelings. Nothing… Maybe the other person is busy and they’ll send you a message later. You check your computer many times that day. And the next day.…

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What is unconditional love?

You know what love is, right? It’s that tingling feeling you feel for people that really touch your heart. Your kids, close friends… There are also things you love. Cars, hiking, watching television. You can also love an animal or the view from your balcony. Clearly, there are different kinds of love. For all types of love there is one common thing: love can be conditional or unconditional. Types of love The way you love you children or your partner differs from the way you love your favorite television program. But the way you love your children also differs from the way you love your best mate. I borrow a text my friend Koreen Clements wrote on this topic (I recommend her…

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