My boyfriend kissed someone else

Do you need to have it all?

For the first time in months my boyfriend and I were at the same place, at the same time, on the same dance floor. Together with the other participants of the workshop we just finished an intense exercise. I had found myself screaming back and forth with a man, releasing a lot of energy that felt stuck in my throat. How liberating! When I ecstatically turned around, one meter away from me, my boyfriend was passionately kissing a beautiful woman. Statistics1 tell us that over 50% of the people in a relationship cheat at least once. That means the chance that your partner did cheat on you is larger than the chance s/he didn’t. An average affair lasts 2 years.…

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How Open is Open?

Guest Post from Louisa Leontiades A door can be ajar. Just a tiny crack to let the light through. In polyamory you might call this a don’t-ask-don’t-tell policy. Or it can be open enough to let a person in (but you know, it’s a door…so it can probably be closed if it isn’t the ‘right’ person or if there are too many people). Or indeed…it can be open all the way. When people ask me how open our relationship is, what they mean is – how far have I opened the door? Is it ajar? Do you discuss when and who to invite into your relationship? Or are you free to date whomever you want, whenever you want and for…

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The influence of polyamory on your sexuality

Polyamory and sex

It seems that polyamory often goes with the prejudice that the reason for being polyamorous is the freedom to be sexually active in a liberal way. You’re polyamorous? You must be into sex big time. The connection between polyamory and sex I’m living in a polyamorous way for a while now. Was the reason for me to open up the relationship I had primarily based on my sexual desires? I have to disappoint you here. It wasn’t. Didn’t it even play a small role? It did. My partner at the time and I were a bit disappointed that now we’ve found each other, we were expected to never kiss, cuddle or make love with another person for the rest of…

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Review: Dr. Elisabeth Sheff – The Polyamorists Next Door

Scientific research about polyamory is still limited. Research including children with polyamorous parents is even scarcer. The Polyamorists Next Door is based on a 15-year qualitative, ethnographic study of people in polyamorous relationships that came to focus increasingly on families with children. The book contains a very valuable collection of information. Dozens of people have been interviewed and their responses were used to create more general statements about polyamorous relationships. Dr. Sheff refers to many older researches, including that knowledge in her book. When I read the title and the introduction, I expected a book that would be like a written documentary, with a clear start, plot and end. The Polyamorists Next Door is built up as a PhD-thesis: it…

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Review: J.J. Roberts – Sex 3.0 A Sexual Revolution Manual

There’s a change going on in the world. People are more and more conscious about themselves, their lives and the choices they make. Our sexual relationships have evolved from the past to the present, and they will keep changing in the future. This is what J.J. Roberts writes about in his book Sex 3.0 – A Sexual Relationship Manual.. Sex 3.0 implies that there was a Sex 1.0 and a Sex 2.0 in the past. Sex 1.0 is how we related when we were living as hunter gatherers in ancient times. There was no concept of property, and according to J.J. there was no concept of a relationship in the way we know it. People didn’t form couples, but followed…

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Review: Louisa Leontiades – The Husband Swap

In ‘The Husband Swap’, Louisa Leontiades openly and honestly shares her story. She and her husband Gilles form a quad with another couple, Morten and Elena. Louisa and Gilles started out as a monogamous couple. “I was once like you” she tells us at the beginning of the book. But when she cheats on Gilles with an ex-boyfriend, it all changes. Louisa explains to Gilles that she loves him and wants to stay with him. She also realizes that Gilles would never be able to fulfill everything she wants from a partner. They discover that it’s possible to love more than one person, and decide to try to live polyamourously. Through internet they get into contact with a couple. Even…

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Review: Mystic Life – Spiritual Polyamory

Spiritual Polyamory by Mystic Life is a self-called “powerful, groundbreaking work, certain to challenge and stimulate members of both the “poly-curious” and polyamorous communities. Mystic Life takes you on a journey into honesty, awareness and self-exploration. You will be encouraged to explore your true beliefs about love, jealousy, sex and letting go of control.” Love of all The book starts with clearing up the differences between ‘ego’ and your true self. We are already whole. The ego is a “collection of beliefs arising from fear and the illusion of separation”. What Mystic Life means, is that we judge others’ behavior (which stems from ego) for it makes us feel better to place our own ego above another person. I believe…

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Amsterdam Meet-up Details, May 4

On Saturday May 4 there will be a meet-up with Steve Pavlina (and for those who are curious about me, I’ll be there too 😉 ) at the Vondelpark in Amsterdam. From Steve’s blog: I’m currently in the Netherlands, and I’m hosting a social meet-up in Amsterdam this Saturday. Here are the details. Date: Saturday, May 4, 2013 Time: 2:00 pm (14:00) Location: In front of a statue in Vondelpark (exact location) Why a meet-up? When I travel I often receive requests from locals who want to get together and meet in person. Some people also ask me how to find others nearby who share their interest in personal growth (or some specific aspect of personal growth). Meet-ups are a…

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Abundant love

I am in an open relationship. I don’t limit myself by sharing my love with only one person. I prefer and choose to live with an open heart. And I’m open about it. In our society it’s not very accepted nor appreciated to have an open relationship. There’s a lot of judgment, intolerance and most of all – fear. We all want to be loved. We do crazy things to be loved. We buy expensive clothes, go to the gym and follow a strict diet to look attractive, accept jobs with status… we do it to show the world we are worth loving. We want abundance. Not only we want love, we also want a lot of it! And why…

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The Challenges in Polyamory (Or: The Road to Ultimate Freedom)

Having an open relationship is amazing. Your heart opens to many different new connections at a deep level of interacting on the level of the heart. To me an open relationship is all about sharing love. Love can manifest itself in the form of a sexy person, but also as new possible business partners, friends, clients, teachers.  Existing connections switch towards a deeper level. I have learned that by opening my heart I can instantly love someone. But is switching your relationship to an open model just fun and ease? Nope. There are challenges in an open relationship, in living polyamorous. When opening your relationship, be prepared for a journey of unpeeling all the layers you formed over time. You…

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