Why I like Kink and BDSM

Why I like Kink

When I tell people I’m a fan of kink or BDSM, there are usually three possible responses. Many people have no idea what I’m talking about. Others wonder why someone on the path of personal growth would be interested in something abusive and violent as BDSM. And then there are some who understand and are happy to find someone who agrees. Thanks to Fifty Shades of Grey and the many erotic novels that followed in its wake, BDSM – or the SM part of it, has become more mainstream as a flavor in the bedroom. But the picture these stories sketch a very limited, and in my opinion unhealthy, picture of this erotic art form. So what is it that…

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The emotional and spiritual benefits of deepthroating

Deepthroating

She looked up at the man standing in front of her. His eyes were filled with predator-like desire. She allowed her eyes to linger over his bare chest, following the trail of dark hairs from his belly button into his jeans. With a strong hand under her chin he lifted her head, locked her eyes with his gaze. Without losing eye-contact, he slowly unbuttoned his fly with his other hand. She could feel the heat coming from his groins, as she sat on her knees only centimeters away from his cock. He lowered his pants slowly until his cock sprung out, touching her lips. “Open your mouth”, he said. She licked her lips, lubricating her mouth as she was well…

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Sex as a Path to Personal Growth

London Faerie and Wilrieke Sophia

There are many ways to get to know ourselves better. There are ways that are accepted, ways that are less accepted sand ways that are considered controversial. And maybe sex is the most controversial of them all. The naked truth How does it work then? Why is sex such a great pathway to personal growth? Isn’t it just a matter of lust or a biological urge for reproduction? Sure. There are a lot of pheromones, hormones and thousands of years of evolution involved in our reproductive habits. Sex as a tool to keep a species from extinction. But sex can be a tool for evolution on the base of an individual too. Sex can teach us about our weak spots,…

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“How was your weekend?” What do you tell at the coffee machine?

how was your weekend?

Sometimes I imagine what it would be like to have an office job and meet my colleages on a Monday morning at the coffee machine, and being asked what my weekend was like. What would I answer? What would I not tell? What would I exaggerate? What would I feel insecure about? What would i brag about? Would I say something like: “My weekend was pretty okay. Went to a birthday party, met some friends in the city, had dinner with girlfriends and went to a Christmas market with my family.” Or something like: “My weekend was crazily intense! Dressed up as a panther for a sexy birthday party. Had a sleepover at my lovers’. Went to an eye-gazing experience…

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I want more sex in my relationship – now what?

I want more sex in my relationship – now what?

My partner and I have been in a relationship for eight years now. In the beginning, sex was challenging. I was afraid of showing my naked body. Negative experiences from the past made me afraid to let go of control about the situation. Gradually that changed. My partner told me how beautiful he believed I was – until I started to believe it too. We started to experiment with positions and places, getting to know each other’s bodies well and knowing how to pleasure each other. Sex was still often a race towards an orgasm (preferably both at the same time) and when there were no orgasms, it felt like we failed in a way, but nevertheless we had fun.…

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Using sex to explore our shadow side

using sex to explore our shadow side

There are parts of our own personalities that we love, and parts that we have learned to hide. As a newborn, we don’t have a set of rules defining which behavior of our selves we like and don’t like. It’s our environment, mainly our parents, who teach us what to express and what to put away in a box and store away far from our surface. Especially in our sexuality we experience a lot of those hidden boxes, which makes sex an amazing pathway into exploring our shadow side. How is a shadow side created? Children have no filter like grownups do. When a person tells a child that something is shameful behavior (like screaming out loud or expressing rage…

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Can you lead and surrender? A message for the boys and men out there.

Can you lead and surrender? A message for the boys and men out there.

The lead I am standing on a dance floor, blindfolded. The men walk through this darkened forest of sight-deprived women. We cannot see the men, but we hear their footsteps and the rustling of their clothes. “Now stop in front of a woman of your choosing. Let her know you are there. Take her hand and seduce her into a dance. Lead her beyond the edges of her comfort zone and let her fly.” There’s a man in front of me, I can feel his presence. A shy hand takes my right hand, followed seconds later by the other hand grabbing my left. The contact feels flaccid. When the music starts I feel insecure and far from grounded. Will this…

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The influence of polyamory on your sexuality

Polyamory and sex

It seems that polyamory often goes with the prejudice that the reason for being polyamorous is the freedom to be sexually active in a liberal way. You’re polyamorous? You must be into sex big time. The connection between polyamory and sex I’m living in a polyamorous way for a while now. Was the reason for me to open up the relationship I had primarily based on my sexual desires? I have to disappoint you here. It wasn’t. Didn’t it even play a small role? It did. My partner at the time and I were a bit disappointed that now we’ve found each other, we were expected to never kiss, cuddle or make love with another person for the rest of…

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