Review: J.J. Roberts – Sex 3.0 A Sexual Revolution Manual

There’s a change going on in the world. People are more and more conscious about themselves, their lives and the choices they make. Our sexual relationships have evolved from the past to the present, and they will keep changing in the future. This is what J.J. Roberts writes about in his book Sex 3.0 – A Sexual Relationship Manual..

Sex 3.0 implies that there was a Sex 1.0 and a Sex 2.0 in the past. Sex 1.0 is how we related when we were living as hunter gatherers in ancient times. There was no concept of property, and according to J.J. there was no concept of a relationship in the way we know it. People didn’t form couples, but followed their instincts and hooked up with whoever was available at that moment. Which man was which baby’s father was no issue, since the relationship between sex, pregnancy and the following baby wasn’t known, and kids were brought up by the community.

But then we gave up the nomadic existence and invented the concept of property. It became important to make sure all the effort, time and money you spent into your own land was passed on to your own progeny. For a woman it was easy to be sure a child is her own. For a man there was no guarantee he was bringing up his own child. He needed some sort of insurance. That was the reason for the invention of marriage: a promise for sexual exclusivity. Not religion. Not money. But the assurance the child a woman carried was your own. With marriage, women became ‘property’ to a man. By marrying a woman, a man promised to take care of her, feed her and give her a safe place to live. In exchange a woman gave up her freedom and promised not to have sexual relationships with other men. This is Sex 2.0.

In this book J.J. Roberts elaborates on this history of sexual relationships and the implications for our ways of thinking and behaving. Sex 2.0 is the paradigm, J.J. calls this Relationship Duress, most of us grew up with. But there’s a change going on. Sex 3.0 is making its way into our world. In Sex 3.0 there are only two kinds of relationships: fenced and unfenced. Fenced means a relationship with boundaries. Whether it is monogamous, or when other sexual partners are allowed with rules (like swingers), in fenced relationships you have obligations towards your partner about what you can and cannot do with other people. In unfenced relationships there are no boundaries. You cannot cheat, because there´s nothing you are not allowed to do. You don´t sell yourself in exchange for safety or sexual exclusivity. This doesn´t mean you have multiple relationships at all times. It may as well be you have one partner because you choose to. Not because you have to.

J.J. clearly describes the difference between natural and normal human behavior. Natural is the non-monogamous way of living, where we don’t marry and have one or several sexual partners according to our wants. Normal is the paradigm taught us. Marriage is normal. Monogamy is normal. Not natural.

As we become more conscious, people become aware of what they long for under all these layers of ‘normal’ habits. Marriage is no longer the ultimate goal of a relationship. We don’t stay with our partner because we have to, but because we choose to. We can consciously choose whether we aim for a fenced or an unfenced relationship.

J.J. touches the subject of non-monogamy from a refreshing perspective. By analyzing human history, he clearly explains how our relationships evolutionally developed. I realized that many taught-patterns I had were created by society. In the beginning of the book J.J. explains us that from the moment we are born, we create maps in our mind of how the world works. How people relate is one of these maps. The example from our parents, our teachers, movies, tv, lyrics of songs… it all contributes to this map. But this map is the ‘normal’ map. It’s a Sex 2.0 map. J.J. warns us that with this book, he wants to erase the map in our minds and give us tools to create a new map.

He shakes up large parts of the old map. Just realizing how the concept of property changed human history drastically, made me reconsider my own thoughts on marriage and women as sexual property. But J.J. also fills in many parts of the newly erased old map by stating his theories fiercely.

The book is written in a masculine way. The concepts are presented as the new truth. Sex 3.0 is the way the world actually works. I would have preferred if he gave the reader more space to fill in his own map on relationships.

Sex 3.0 is not easy to read. There are many references to things that will be or have been explained, which gives me a feeling of chaos throughout the book. Some subjects are deeply explored, but other subjects that are important in my map on relationships are barely touched. For example, having kids in a Sex 3.0 way of living is not elaborated on because it would take too much space. Feelings and emotions aren’t deeply analyzed either. J.J. does deal with the subject of jealousy and possessiveness. His advice, which to me felt more like a command, is to cut it from your life. Because when you allow it, you are still living a Sex 2.0 life. I know I still deal with jealousy on many occasions. I see it as opportunities to learn more about myself. “Clearly here’s insecurity. Where does it come from? How can I deal with it?” Reading J.J.´s perspective I couldn´t help but feeling judged for these feelings.

Sex 3.0 – A Sexual Revolution Manual is worth reading when you are looking for a fresh perspective on relationships throughout history and reasons for choosing a different, unfenced, path. When you don’t like a strong view on how relationships work from a masculine point of view dealing with non-monogamy, this is not your book.

You can read the first part of the book for free if you subscribe to J.J.’s mailinglist. The complete book can be ordered on the website Sexthreepointzero.com.

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