The Pain of Losing Presence

The Pain of Losing Presence

We live in a dual world. When we learn what it’s like to be received in full presence, we inherently also learn what it’s like when that full presence is gone. When this other, who is so present with you, suddenly is gone. Doesn’t show up. Breaks an agreement. Can’t see you fully. The pain that comes with that is huge. It reminds us of the original wound of separation that goes back to when we were inside a womb – or possibly before that. The pain that reminds us, maybe unconsciously, of the moments when we were fully depending on our caregivers, and they couldn’t be there every moment we needed them. As that’s pretty much impossible. And then,…

Continue reading

Being a Sexual Person #2

Standing in the middle of an over-crowded train on my way home, another workshop facilitated in Amsterdam behind me. The people in the train discuss fried snacks with huge pupils. So much passion about burgers. Some are wearing sunglasses, even though it’s near midnight. A huge dance event in the city is probably the source of this outflux of people. I’m looking at my own reflection in the dark window. For so many years I thought I was weird and ugly. Sometimes I still do. That underlying belief of being weird. Different. Unwanted. The clumsy one who never wears the right clothes. Will it ever leave? I see a beautiful face, a proud woman wearing an amazing coat. Glitter on…

Continue reading

You Can Have Boundaries 100% of the Time

You always have a right to set boundaries. Always.   I notice how easy I still step into a pattern of believing I have no right to set boundaries because I believe I’m in no position to have boundaries.   For example when I’m someone’s lover, besides a primary partner. I believe I can’t have boundaries towards him (or her) because that’s only between them.   Or when I’m with my children, as I want to hear their voice too (and preferably make everyone happy, which is impossible I found out through experience over the last decade) because I believe I should always be available.   Or when I’m not in a relationship with someone anymore, as we’re now ‘uncoupled’…

Continue reading

(Video) Conscious Relationship Design: Conscious Completion

Exactly a year ago we met. It has been a deep and intense ride since, with so much love to share. Now we decide to let go. Of any labels, agreements or expectations. We have brought our deepest patterns to the surface, and now we both need a different stroke to dive deeper into those. And we’re letting each other go.

Continue reading

When a Saboteur Enters our Relationships

I let him go. I had never been loved this much by anyone in my life, and yet I let him go. I had no choice. My nervous system was having a way harder time than I desired, and the longer we were together, the less relaxed I felt about our relationship. Was it me? Was this then the final conclusion I’m not suited for non-monogamy or any way of relating for that matter? Was I an overly dramatic woman unable to deal with anxiety issues? Was it him? Was he lacking in stepping up? Did he need to grow balls and become a real man, able to love a wild woman? It’s Always Two Playing that Game When it…

Continue reading

The Deeper We Love, the Deeper Love Will Touch Us

The deeper we love, the deeper love will touch us. It is as incredible as it sounds, though not always easy. As love tears down everything in its way to loving more, all our deepest stories, pain, fear and insecurity is revealed in the wake of unleashing bliss. And not just our own! All that which our ancestors carry, what’s engraved in our collective past and present, It’s all right here, right now. So beware, when you open your heart wider than before, That more love than you can imagine will pour in, And your senses sensitize As there’s no right or wrong, desired or undesired on our inner landscape, just simple aliveness, It all becomes stronger. More. Deeper. Become…

Continue reading

(Video) Conscious Relationship Design: Can Relationships be Fluid?

I want more sex in my relationship – now what?

Although there are several shapes of relationships (marriage, dating, polyamory, polygamy) they still seem to be holding on to a fixed construct. Does that make sense, as we are ever-evolving and growing? And: a personal relationship update.

Continue reading

(Video) Conscious Relationship Design: What To Do When My Partner Is Avoidant / Afraid of Commitment?

today I choose to live

In any human dynamic, certain patterns will come up. And those patterns will influence how you feel and how you act. It’s a thing: people with a fear of abandonment attract people with a fear of commitment. This is the anxious/avoidant dynamic we sometimes speak about. Is it possible to avoid this trap, or heal it when we’re in it?

Continue reading

(Video) Conscious Relationship Design: Where do I Base My Boundaries On?

David & Wilrieke

In any human dynamic, certain patterns will come up. And those patterns will influence how you feel and how you act. Where do you base your boundaries and desires upon? And what to do when yours are different than those of your partner?

Continue reading