Me time for moms*

*Read dad for each mom if you’re a guy. All of this applies for you too of course 😉 In your life you have many roles to play. If you are having kids, you are probably a mother (guys, read father here 😉 ), a partner, (self-)employed, a friend, a housekeeper and maybe you have other roles like player of some kind of sport, painter, hiker, etcetera. It’s not easy to distribute time equally  for each role. Often, the roles that give you pleasure and time to relax are the roles neglected. It’s just the way it goes Wake up early, stressing to get the kids ready for school, give your love a hug and a kiss (don’t try to…

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What is unconditional love?

You know what love is, right? It’s that tingling feeling you feel for people that really touch your heart. Your kids, close friends… There are also things you love. Cars, hiking, watching television. You can also love an animal or the view from your balcony. Clearly, there are different kinds of love. For all types of love there is one common thing: love can be conditional or unconditional. Types of love The way you love you children or your partner differs from the way you love your favorite television program. But the way you love your children also differs from the way you love your best mate. I borrow a text my friend Koreen Clements wrote on this topic (I recommend her…

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Do I have to change myself?

There are things I want differently in my life. I want myself to grow and develop. I wish for changes. But changing is something I’d rather avoid. Can I change myself and my life without changing? Guess what will happen when you do what you always did. You get what you always got. If you really want change, you have to change. You have to be the change. But changing is scary! What’s the worst thing that can happen? Your life will change? But that’s what you want! 😉 We all have this imaginary space around us, called our comfort zone. As long as we stay inside that comfort zone, we feel safe. We know what’s in there, we know…

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How to make friends when you move

How do you make new friends when you move to a new place? I want to illustrate this post with lessons from my horses. Horses are sensitive, social animals. They mainly communicate with body language and facial expressions. Observing horses among each other, or their behavior towards humans is very interesting and can teach you a lot about yourself. I own two ponies and a big black horse. The big horse, Jade, is living in a pasture near my house, with two other horses. My ponies were still living at my parents’ place, far away from where we live. Two days ago I moved my ponies to the same place where Jade lives. The ponies are a mother, Bo (ten years old)…

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Letter to my selves

Dear shy girl, Thank you for being a part of me. Thank you for providing me with a safe haven to protect my soul when I cannot run or walk away. You are always there to warn me when I’m about to cross my own borders without respecting them. Without respecting myself. Thank you for warning me when I don’t feel safe. Dear shy girl, I know it is not easy to let go of control. To step outside and really be present in situations where you feel vulnerable. Maybe, with the right people (and trust me, you are amazing intuitively finding the right people at the right time), it is okay to let go a bit more often. Don’t…

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Love isn’t a competition, it’s additive

Think this over for a while: Is love something which comes at certain volumes that need to be shared among the people around you? Or is there enough for everybody? Many times I have heard parents telling me about the love they feel for their kids. When expecting their second child, young parents often worry whether they would have enough love for their expected newborn. They love their first kid so much, how could they love another child just as much? When the second child is born, they realize there is nothing to worry about. There is enough love for all kids. Love isn’t a pie of which all people around you get a share. Love is an unlimited source…

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How many compromises will you make?

According to Wikipedia, to compromise means to … make a deal between different parties where each party gives up part of their demand. In arguments, compromise is a concept of finding agreement through communication, through a mutual acceptance of terms—often involving variations from an original goal or desire. In other words, you give up what you really want because people surrounding you want you to. Or, you give up what you really want because you believe people surrounding you want you to. We are usually taught that compromises are an inescapable part of our relationships. I do not agree 🙂 We need compromises when we feel insecure about ourselves and our loved ones. We compromise we should not be affectionate…

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Does love at first sight exist?

Can you love someone the moment you look him or her into the eyes for the very first time? Let’s go back in time to the point when we were young and watched Disney movies. We all did, didn’t we? We watched Lady and the Tramp, Beauty and the Beast and several fairy tales where the prince kisses the princess. The message seemed to be that for each and everyone of us there is a perfect partner, a once in a lifetime Mr(s). Right to wait for. Or to actively, maybe desperately, look for. And when we would meet the person, we’d know. It would be love at first sight. What a sad belief that is! If there is only…

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Personal challenge update

Photo: Mariët Mons, www.marietmons.nl There are three Personal Challenges waiting for an update. Personal Challenge #0: Vegan for a month I have been vegan now for almost three weeks, and it is way easier than I thought. I stacked some healthy food stuffs like raw cocoa nibs, chia seeds, goji berries, flax seeds and whole wheat crackers. I found out that extra bitter chocolate fulfills my monthly chocolat cravings. Weekly we buy maybe 20 kilo of fruit and veggies for smoothies, salads, veggie stews and more. My parents have a large garden and started harvesting potatoes, bringing us a bag full each time they visit. I thought I would miss cheese, but I don’t. I do crave the salty, chewy…

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My open relationship

We all look for love. We all look for excitement. How can we keep our need for exciting moments fulfilled when we are in a long term relationship where we hold back ourselves and our partners, trying to fit in the picture society created of people and their relationships? All people seem to be looking for the perfect partner. Dating sites are very popular, although old fashioned flirting in disco’s and bars never ceased popularity either. Girls gossip with their friends about boys, and the boys pay attention carefully. Who will ask who to go to the prom? Who dares to ask for a secret kiss? Who is getting married? Finally… we meet our perfect match. The ideal man or…

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